THE CONCLUSION OF I HATE LOVE STORIES.

Sitting there, feeling completely out of place and trying to make sense of it all, that’s when I noticed you. A tall stranger standing beside me since the concert started. Everybody in the hall were moving and dancing and screaming and we were the only ones doing none of the above. Seeing your calm and peaceful expression, I stood up, you had your eyes closed; staring at you I had shivers down my spine… the way you stood, so calm and peaceful made me think you are not in a room full of crazy people high on energy. The way you stood made me think you were somewhere else; somewhere I’d love to go, wherever that leads as long as I would have a taste of the peacefulness I saw on your face.

              

I must have lost track of time or I simply didn’t bother to check because the next thing I knew, I was looking into a pair of beautiful brown eyes. I honestly didn’t know when you opened your eyes so I immediately looked away. Embarrassed for staring at you like a creepy person yet I felt your eyes on me so I chanced another look and I was right. Out of God knows where, I heard my voice “you know, it’s not polite to stare”. Immediately you looked away, took a deep breath and closed your eye...that was funny, coming from someone you caught staring at you with eyes wide open.

Whatever your thoughts were about what I just said, you kept to yourself. Then I watched you open your eyes, your expression didn’t give anything out. It was neutral. I mustered a shy smile and a small shrug as an apology for my actions; you gave a small nod as an acknowledgement. I focused back on the concert; the duo of P square just finished their energetic performance and everybody was coming back from the hype, they were then preparing for a mellow song.

When the entertainers started singing one of their famous love songs, the couples in the hall and some group of friends immediately cozied up with each other. It took everything in me not to look around and search for Christopher my best friend. Half of me was afraid of the disappointment that will surely come when I won’t see him and the other half was afraid of finding him in the company of some other girl but I couldn’t help myself from looking at the stranger standing beside me. I was curious if you’ve noticed what I noticed because I knew you were also alone that night. You still had that neutral face on, not letting anyone and anything into your thoughts. I almost wished I could do the same because judging from the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been through the whole night; my guess is that my face says I am on the verge of losing it; losing everything. 

When you get to a point when you realized you have to stop loving someone in order to save yourself from total ruin, it’s like committing suicide. I think it’s safe to say I died a little that night. That night I realized Christopher is my best friend in the entire universe, I know his deepest darkest fears; he knows mine and just maybe that’s why we can’t be together. Both of us are just too damaged and broken together; perhaps it’s time to tell a different story.

Halfway through the song, couples openly showed their affection for each other. Some were slow dancing, some were kissing and some just held hands. It’s like everyone was wrapped in their own bubble, oblivious of where they are. Then I thought of him again because this would have been the perfect moment to make a grand romantic entrance and profess his undying love for me but he was nowhere in sight. Luckily for me, I wasn’t the only person in the crowd without a partner. We exchanges glances a couple of times and you must have seen the loneliness in my eyes because I felt you step closer, your arms touching mine.

That was my first memory of gentleness for a long time. The warmth from your arm reaching to my broken heart like it knows how fragile it has become after years of pinning for someone who would never be or come around and suddenly, I couldn’t bear it no more. That night I cried for a best friend who would never love me like I love him, I cried for the years wasted even though my fragile heart could somehow bear another two years of waiting and pinning and hoping; I cried for every step I took and never looked back, decisions I made and never regretted. Lost in my thought and tears, you raised my tear filled eyes so I look you straight in the eyes and then you said “care for a dance”? Without giving myself time to think, I ran out on you, away from the tall stranger with beautiful brown eyes.

Outside the hall, I cried my eyes out; I cried even more for running out on something, someone who could have turned my sad broken heart into something beautiful. I cried for you, the stranger whose name I never got to know. So if you are out there, and you ever get to read this; cheers to what could have been, it would have been intense and beautiful. Cheers to another lifetime…

P.S

When I started writing I HATE LOVE STORIES, I thought I was writing the story of Ivy, the girl who got away; I was wrong. It’s still Ivy’s story though, but it’s more… it’s also my story.