THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY

      

  Growing up, I was that kid that needed an extra everything. From extra uniform to extra books, bags, you name it; I even needed extra care and attention but my old folks were very busy people, I didn’t get what I yearned for; I got what I got.

       Oh well I wasn’t very petty and I wasn’t very bright so it’s safe to say my trouble doubled. I was that person everybody loves to hate and I think I got bullied more times than I can actually remember. Can’t help reminiscing, my first day at Christ High School Mando Kaduna, I met my cousin who was already a student of that same institution, after hanging out with her and her crew during lunch break; she called me aside and said “ congratulations Ivy, you are officially the weirdest person I know”. Forgive me sis but the memory just kind of stuck with me.

      Well, that was me; the weirdo of all weirdos and I’m pretty sure I didn’t know how I became that person that nobody wanted yet nobody could get rid of. Maybe I’m wrong about the assessment of my situation back then, but that was how I felt. All I remember was a kid who desperately wanted to fit in, to belong.

       I have spent most part of my life hating this version of me, hating how I look, and talk; walk because no one has ever accepted me for who I really am. I kept trying to change me so I can finally fit in but I was just one misfit in the world trying so desperately to fit in.

Have you ever felt like you belong to a different world and time? For what felt like centuries, that was how I felt.

       I figured if I look a little prettier and brighter; I would definitely belong but I was wrong. Been pretty and bright doesn’t exactly give you dignity or high self-esteem.

       My quest to belong, to fit in didn’t yield any positive result rather I hit rock bottom and then I asked myself: why isn’t the real me enough, why can’t people see beyond my obvious flaws and love me for me? That’s when it hit me: I like who I am, I like this version the same. If I change and become someone else, something else all in a bid to fit in; I don’t know what I’ll become. Too bad people are too shallow minded to see the real me, am not changing for anything in the world.

       So beneath the devilish banter, charming wit, nervous grin and the girl, who so desperately wanted to fit in, I’m something more; I’m Ivy: the girl who got away and saved herself from herself…

It’s never too late to save yourself from yourself… we humans; we are always our own worst enemies. The circle of abuse you’ve been introduced to, you can end it, and you can be the light for your generation. What are you waiting for pretty?