Sitting there, feeling completely out of place and
trying to make sense of it all, that’s when I noticed you. A tall stranger
standing beside me since the concert started. Everybody in the hall were moving
and dancing and screaming and we were the only ones doing none of the above.
Seeing your calm and peaceful expression, I stood up, you had your eyes closed;
staring at you I had shivers down my spine… the way you stood, so calm and
peaceful made me think you are not in a room full of crazy people high on
energy. The way you stood made me think you were somewhere else; somewhere I’d
love to go, wherever that leads as long as I would have a taste of the
peacefulness I saw on your face.
I must have lost track of time or I simply didn’t
bother to check because the next thing I knew, I was looking into a pair of
beautiful brown eyes. I honestly didn’t know when you opened your eyes so I
immediately looked away. Embarrassed for staring at you like a creepy person
yet I felt your eyes on me so I chanced another look and I was right. Out of
God knows where, I heard my voice “you know, it’s not polite to stare”.
Immediately you looked away, took a deep breath and closed your eye...that was
funny, coming from someone you caught staring at you with eyes wide open.
Whatever your thoughts were about what I just said,
you kept to yourself. Then I watched you open your eyes, your expression didn’t
give anything out. It was neutral. I mustered a shy smile and a small shrug as
an apology for my actions; you gave a small nod as an acknowledgement. I
focused back on the concert; the duo of P square just finished their energetic
performance and everybody was coming back from the hype, they were then
preparing for a mellow song.
When the entertainers started singing one of their
famous love songs, the couples in the hall and some group of friends
immediately cozied up with each other. It took everything in me not to look
around and search for Christopher my best friend. Half of me was afraid of the
disappointment that will surely come when I won’t see him and the other half
was afraid of finding him in the company of some other girl but I couldn’t help
myself from looking at the stranger standing beside me. I was curious if you’ve
noticed what I noticed because I knew you were also alone that night. You still
had that neutral face on, not letting anyone and anything into your thoughts. I
almost wished I could do the same because judging from the roller coaster of
emotions I’ve been through the whole night; my guess is that my face says I am
on the verge of losing it; losing everything.
When
you get to a point when you realized you have to stop loving someone in order
to save yourself from total ruin, it’s like committing suicide. I think it’s
safe to say I died a little that night. That night I realized Christopher is my
best friend in the entire universe, I know his deepest darkest fears; he knows
mine and just maybe that’s why we can’t be together. Both of us are just too
damaged and broken together; perhaps it’s time to tell a different story.
Halfway through the song, couples openly showed
their affection for each other. Some were slow dancing, some were kissing and
some just held hands. It’s like everyone was wrapped in their own bubble,
oblivious of where they are. Then I thought of him again because this would have
been the perfect moment to make a grand romantic entrance and profess his
undying love for me but he was nowhere in sight. Luckily for me, I wasn’t the
only person in the crowd without a partner. We exchanges glances a couple of
times and you must have seen the loneliness in my eyes because I felt you step
closer, your arms touching mine.
That was my first memory of gentleness for a long
time. The warmth from your arm reaching to my broken heart like it knows how
fragile it has become after years of pinning for someone who would never be or
come around and suddenly, I couldn’t bear it no more. That night I cried for a
best friend who would never love me like I love him, I cried for the years
wasted even though my fragile heart could somehow bear another two years of
waiting and pinning and hoping; I cried for every step I took and never looked
back, decisions I made and never regretted. Lost in my thought and tears, you
raised my tear filled eyes so I look you straight in the eyes and then you said
“care for a dance”? Without giving myself time to think, I ran out on you, away
from the tall stranger with beautiful brown eyes.
Outside the hall, I cried my eyes out; I cried even
more for running out on something, someone who could have turned my sad broken
heart into something beautiful. I cried for you, the stranger whose name I
never got to know. So if you are out there, and you ever get to read this;
cheers to what could have been, it would have been intense and beautiful.
Cheers to another lifetime…
P.S
When I started writing I HATE LOVE STORIES, I
thought I was writing the story of Ivy, the girl who got away; I was wrong.
It’s still Ivy’s story though, but it’s more… it’s also my story.
