I AM HUMAN TOO…

I’m not a perfect person; I’m not a people person. I cherish being alone doesn’t make me a freak; it just means I’m different. I bleed, I hurt, I cry, I laugh,  I dream, I wish upon stars, I make mistakes, I get angry. I’m sporadically rude, I have a mini study/library with all my books and novels and I never get over those books. I read them over and over again and I never get bored. I am so boring that I make boring interesting, I am ambitious, and I love schooling more than anything else. I hate Telemundo, televista, zee world and it likes. I have a strict rule for honesty, I dig wrestling and football. I’m not very pretty and I’m not very smart.

I listen more than I talk, I am a reflector and a little bit a pragmatist, and I’m a dreamer, a visionary, a lady, a daughter, an aunt, a friend. I love completely and I’m crazy most part of the time. I don’t talk much but when I do, I’m ruthlessly blunt. Except for my feelings, I keep them all bottled up. I probably should have been named plain Jane (I’m pretty much the only female I know that don’t dig make up and fashion). I cannot stand people that talk too much, it wears me out. Mostly, I’m just trying to make the world a better place but most of all, I am human too and I’m nothing like you.

All these are part of the baggage, garbage and package I come with and I would never apologize for who I am. I am Isa Joy Anzayi and I love every single, tiny, crazy, part of me. Accept all of me or none at all.

                                 

LOVE

Love is not love which alters when its alteration finds… oh no, it’s an ever fixed mark, Shakespeare knew better…

Love! What an odd concept. Agape love I understand, philia, ludus all I understand but am afraid I would never understand Eros love. You love her but you can’t help but hit, hurt and abuse her every now and then. She’s got to know who the head of the family is hence she needs discipline. I get that.  You love him but you can’t help but rat him out to your friends and family and every now and then you cheat on him. He needs to learn how to appreciate you more often, I get that. What I don’t get is what’s the point of all the pointless love if you both can’t have each others

back?

To all young ladies out there who have managed to get themselves into situations like this and you have somehow convinced yourself that he loves you; he doesn’t care about you darling, you are just the thing he uses from time to time. If he love you like he love himself, he wouldn’t hurt you.

If you have a girlfriend who rats you out to your folks and hers, making them see you in a very unflattering light, just know you are dating yourself. Better to be alone than be with someone you cannot trust.

#that said, I honestly know nothing about how Eros love works, literary. Am not sure Eros love works at all but if you are out there, and you love her to death and she feels same; then you both most certainly are the exceptions. In time, you both will learn there are no exceptions when its Eros love at play.

THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY

      

  Growing up, I was that kid that needed an extra everything. From extra uniform to extra books, bags, you name it; I even needed extra care and attention but my old folks were very busy people, I didn’t get what I yearned for; I got what I got.

       Oh well I wasn’t very petty and I wasn’t very bright so it’s safe to say my trouble doubled. I was that person everybody loves to hate and I think I got bullied more times than I can actually remember. Can’t help reminiscing, my first day at Christ High School Mando Kaduna, I met my cousin who was already a student of that same institution, after hanging out with her and her crew during lunch break; she called me aside and said “ congratulations Ivy, you are officially the weirdest person I know”. Forgive me sis but the memory just kind of stuck with me.

      Well, that was me; the weirdo of all weirdos and I’m pretty sure I didn’t know how I became that person that nobody wanted yet nobody could get rid of. Maybe I’m wrong about the assessment of my situation back then, but that was how I felt. All I remember was a kid who desperately wanted to fit in, to belong.

       I have spent most part of my life hating this version of me, hating how I look, and talk; walk because no one has ever accepted me for who I really am. I kept trying to change me so I can finally fit in but I was just one misfit in the world trying so desperately to fit in.

Have you ever felt like you belong to a different world and time? For what felt like centuries, that was how I felt.

       I figured if I look a little prettier and brighter; I would definitely belong but I was wrong. Been pretty and bright doesn’t exactly give you dignity or high self-esteem.

       My quest to belong, to fit in didn’t yield any positive result rather I hit rock bottom and then I asked myself: why isn’t the real me enough, why can’t people see beyond my obvious flaws and love me for me? That’s when it hit me: I like who I am, I like this version the same. If I change and become someone else, something else all in a bid to fit in; I don’t know what I’ll become. Too bad people are too shallow minded to see the real me, am not changing for anything in the world.

       So beneath the devilish banter, charming wit, nervous grin and the girl, who so desperately wanted to fit in, I’m something more; I’m Ivy: the girl who got away and saved herself from herself…

It’s never too late to save yourself from yourself… we humans; we are always our own worst enemies. The circle of abuse you’ve been introduced to, you can end it, and you can be the light for your generation. What are you waiting for pretty?